Thursday, September 25, 2008

Memoirs of a Yeast Infection

Yes Internet today... because Clayton has done nothing note worthy... I am going to write about a Yeast Infection.
You see I was sitting in my office today, gazing longingly out the window and for some unknown reason these thoughts popped into my head:
What if I had a yeast infection again? While I worked here? How would I make it through?
You see when I first moved out here with my sister and had just started my job at Agricore United I developed an irritating itch… down there… you know… don’t make me say it Internet!
Never having a yeast infection before or never really discussing the symptoms of a yeast infection with anyone, I wasn’t sure what was going on. Although I was sure something was seriously wrong.

I mean when you fantasize about taking a belt sander to your nether regions… SOMETHING HAS GOT TO BE SERIOUSLY WRONG!

My saving grace was that at work I was outside and active and barely had time to think let alone notice the irritation. And I’d think hey… wait a minute… yup… it’s gone… IT’S GONE! IT’S GONE! Then as soon as I got home and sat down it was back in full force.
I’d jump up and shout, CORRINE! CORRINE! We have to go roller blading NOW! CORRINE! CORRINE! Lets go for a run NOW! CORRINE! CORRINE! Yard work NOW! Thinking back I would almost feel sorry for Corrine except for the fact that her crotch hadn’t turned on her like rabid dog!
A yeast infection... couldn't it be named something a little more relevant like... inflamed pricklyitis... aggravated affliction of the nether regions... scratchy itchy unbearably irritating infection.
BUT could you imagine… if I had inflamed pricklyitis NOW! How would I sit through it all day at the office? UNBEARABLE! UNTHINKABLE! UNIMAGINABLE! The thought of it just makes me cringe!
And before I am totally lost in the horrible memories and wallowing in the worries of how would I cope if it came back…
I remind myself…
KIMBERLY, you would go to the doctor’s or the pharmacy even and get one of those little LIFE SAVING pills.
And then life would go on.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a... boat?

So before we actually headed off on our Bella Coola adventure we decided to look over some brochures and maps we had acquired. Thought we'd give it a go at being slightly more organized and know, before we actually got there, what there was to do!

One of the things that interested us was this hot springs, that looked to be either boat or as this picture shows, helicopter, access only. For some reason, most likey because I am a male genitalia obsessed freak, as I glanced at this picture it appeared to me that the guy in the right foreground of this picture wasn't wearing any shorts!

Now don't get me wrong you BC hippies I know that it is general knowledge that natural hot springs bathing attired usually consists of your natural birthday suit. BUT using a photo of a naked man in a brochure about what to do in the Bella Coola Valley... seems... well... just a tad bit unprofessional. Although it's does state: Bella Coola, come experience 'the real BC'! Maybe that's what their talking about! Let me tell you... if the real BC consists of hot, naked, out doors men, strutting their stuff around every corner... count me in! ;)

So I thought I'd share my unlikely find and beckoned for Mom to come have a look.
"Really you can see his penis?" A penis is a penis... just as an arm is an arm... my mother always said... nothing to be embarrassed about and no need to call it by any other name.
She put on her magnifying glasses, that I am sure she bought from Zellers, and reached across the table to take the brochure with the incriminating picture from me. (And at this time in my post it would be awesome to have a picture of my Mom wearing these hideous glasses because she repaired them and now they are held onto her head with an elastic waist band and sadly she could be mistaken as Bubbles from the Trailer Parks Boys... no joke!)
So she leans in real close to the picture and says...
"We'll have to see if we can rent a boat like the one in the picture to take us to the hot springs."
I immediately reach over and remove the booklet out from under her nose...
Because lady if you can't tell that the object in the background of the picture is a HELICOPTER then there is NO WAY you are ever going to be able to see that guys WANG!!!

Lesson learned: My Mom needs to BUY some proper glasses! They'll come in handy next time someone tries to show her a tiny cock. (And Mom I am not talking about a roster here.)

Monday, September 15, 2008

Back home safe and sound!

We had a wonderful time on our holidays... saw a lot of road and visited with lots of people... and of course there will be a few stories from the experience...
But today I'm just going to post quickly about our arrival back in Alberta... Edmonton to be more precise... the West Ed Mall to be exact...

We find our way quite easily to the Mall and after camping on the side of the road in the Xterra and then driving 7 hours we are about ready to NOT get back in the vehicle. So we decide to check out the cost of staying at the Fantasy Land Inn right at the Mall.
The price is definitely above any amount we would normally fathom spending on a nights sleep BUT Clayton looks at me and says...
Kimberly don't you think we deserve an expensive nights sleep after spending the last week sleeping in the back of our vehicle?
So we tell the Hotel Desk Clerk that we'll take the cheapest room... he must have overheard our little discussion and feeling sorry for us he declared that he would give us his favorite theme room for the cheap price.
We were both elated and thanked that nice man profusely...

We couldn't get over our luck and how nice it was of that desk clerk to give us a theme room...

Until we entered the room and realized he just had once really twisted sense of humour...