Thursday, March 19, 2009

A post from a dejected MIDDLE child!

I just spent the last two days enjoying some lovely time with my Mom and sister. Of course I always love having family come to visit... it always feels like they have brought a part of the mountains and home with them! I hate to see them leave...


...When Vanessa was handing out free massages... one night she went to work on my feet... oh so lovely... and then proceeded to clip my toe nails! Normally I would find it kind of creepy... someone else digging the gunk out from under my toe nails and hacking off the rather unruly nail... but not this time! I was just so happy I wouldn't have to try and somehow reach my toes with this darn belly sitting right in the way! It's quite amazing the little things that become difficult with a big ol' belly getting in your way!

...And when my Mom spent her last morning helping me wipe down everything in the living room that was covered in drywall dust! She moved couches and cleaned things that probably haven't been dusted in years! Moms are amazing!

...And even just having two lovely ladies who are not only willing... but actually want to go snowshoeing with me!

...And I wasn't going to mention it... but what the hell it's only the innocent Internet... and I am a descendant of Aunty Ronny, so it really can't be helped... Vanessa also gave me a hand with a waxing issue that was getting a little outta control... what with not having been able to see down there for the last few months... Clayton can't thank her enough. So instead I waxed her eyebrows for her. She requested that I make them a little more rounded... and I tried, for the life of me I tried, but it just wasn't happening. 'But yours have a nice arch' she complained. Yeah I guess that's the benefit of having a gigantic UNI BROW... you've got a lot there to work with!!! Really I feel so sorry for all you with TWO separate eyebrows... I know you're all envious of my bountifully eyebrow canvass!

But now they are gone and there is only one person to blame...

That DAMN Corrine!
I joked, before Mom's visit, about her not sharing... but she REALLY did miss the sharing day in kindergarten I think! ;) I mean... really... as if Mom would pick babysitting her sweet little granddaughter, Megan, over painting her darling pregnant daughters bathroom?!!! Really... as if!

Moral of the story: The first child... grandchild... really does get it all!!! wink wink

PS. Dani... Thanks for all the cloth diapers! You rock! Now lets see if I have it in me to actually carry out my plans... ;)

Monday, March 16, 2009

Oh do forgive me... I'm so so sorry

Is there such a thing as being TOO polite?

Clayton and I went to Calgary on the weekend to Stage West. It was a company event so we were there with a bunch of Clayton's co-workers. After a bathroom trip by one of his female co-workers, she returned with a very amused look on her face.
She could barely contain the laughter as she shared with us what had went down in the biffy...

So I had just finished my business and was following up with the customary hand wash when I noticed the lady beside me having trouble with the paper towel dispenser. "I think you just need to wave your hand in front of it," I offered.
She tried that but still nothing happened. "Maybe it's out of paper," she suggested. Then she turned and smacked right into the full length mirror to her left. Now wait for it... wait for...
She proceeded to apologize, "Oh my goodness, I am so sorry, I..." And then she stopped abruptly... when she realized she was apologizing to her reflection... and herself and her reflection both turned bright red. "Oh... um... now that's embarrassing," she mumbled as she quickly ducked out of the bathroom, hands still dripping wet.

What? Didn't your Mother teach you proper manners?!

Monday, March 9, 2009

Just to catch you up...

Below are a few pictures that tell a tale of a women who is gaining weight and apparently not afraid to post that said weight gain on the Internet. Also it tells a small spin off story of non existent hair care; even though the individual was anal enough to wear the same outfit, apparently 'making one's self look nice' didn't occur to the above mentioned individual.
Notice how the camera seems drawn to the belly and zooms in as the belly grows. This occurrence was purely coincidental and was not manipulated to make said belly look bigger.

Once upon a time...

November: Three months

December: Four months

January: Five months

February: Six months

March: Seven months

To be continued...

Friday, March 6, 2009

What do you think's wrong with you?

Back pain.
It's just no fun. Thankfully about a year ago I had a week of some severe back pain, something I had never really experienced before. And for a generally unsympathetic person having at least experienced similar pain makes one slightly more understanding.

So after crashing into the house after hockey on Tuesday night and then taking about an hour in the morning to wiggle out of bed and crawl to the bathroom, Clayton begged me to please get the phone so he could call the fire chief/EMT. And that's where the the thankfully part comes in... since I had experience some back pain I decided to do as he asked instead of bend over and whisper in his ear "stop being such a big baby." Because poor Clayton was in severe pain and couldn't stand up and yet was still too embarrassed to call an ambulance. So the fire chief arrived and then HE called in for an ambulance!
So Clayton arrives via ambulance at the hospital, is lifted from the stretcher to a bed and after a bit of a wait is seen by Dr. So What Do You Think Is Wrong With You? Who examines Clayton and then proceeds to ask... well what do you think is wrong with you?

Just taking a wild guess here... but I am presuming it might possibly be something to do with my back? Or maybe I ate breakfast too fast and got a bit of indigestion and then decided that it would be fun to take a ride in the ambulance to the hospital so I could have this little conversation with you! Got any tums? That should do the trick! And I don't think I'm even stretching it too far to say... if this HAD been the conversation the Doc would have rubbed his chin and then slowly shifted his glasses and then mumbled, "Indigestion hey... um... yes... I do think we could find some... now what was it you said... tums... yes tums."
Okay maybe not quite...
Nah I take that back... it surely, could have believable went down like that.

But instead Clayton went with the back pain scenario.
Which got us this response...
"Um... yes I see... back pain... yes... hockey... yes... well how about we get you some pain killers... I'll get the nurse to bring in some pain killers and then you can probably be on your way."
Which really makes one want to mention in a heightened voice... did you not notice that your patient arrived via ambulance, is in the emergency bed and cannot move at the moment???!!! He didn't just feel too lazy to start the car this morning and decided it would be fun to call in for an ambulance ride instead! I am pretty certain he WILL NOT be ON HIS WAY anytime soon.

But instead Clayton says, "Well Doc, the thing is I can't really walk at the moment."
To which Doc replies, "Um... Oh... I see... so you're telling me... you want to say in the hospital then... um?"
Now want doesn't seem to be exactly the correct wording to use in a situation such as this but at least the Doc was no longer trying to send us back out the door.

Now that was on Wednesday morning and it is now Friday and Clayton is still staying at the Hotel a la Hospital. Apparently Clayton isn't quite on his way yet.

But finally after a day of no one really doing anything, the Doc comes back in the next morning to check on Clayton... and after Clayton's suggestions says...
"Um... yeah... physio hey... yeah that is probably a good idea... yeah um... I'll check into that... um... yeah... pyhsio."

So when I arrive for my lunch visit on Thursday the physio lady is in the room finishing up her work with Clayton.
And she says to me, "Hi I'm Estelle, I work HERE, NOT at Mark's Work Wear House."
I say hi and laugh because she is smiling and weird people make me uncomfortable and when I'm uncomfortable I laugh. What do I care that you don't work at Mark's... you loony!
And then Clayton laughs and says, "Don't you remember that time at Mark's when you asked that lady, who you thought was a sales associate, for help and it turned out she was actually a customer and I was laughing at you from behind the coat rack because I knew the lady, as she was from town? Well this is the lady... and she remembers you doing that! Although, obviously, at the time she didn't know who you were."
Hahaha... we all laugh.

And when she leaves I punch Clayton in the back because he must be feeling better... bringing up embarrassing things about his wife like that.

Oh come on... he deserved it. ;) ;) ;)

Of course I'm just kidding... I would never do a thing like that... although I did tickle him because he was having so much FUN laughing. I was just trying to be sweet and let him continue his enjoyment... apparently people with back pain don't like to be tickled! Who knew?

Anyhow... I really hope you get better soon... I have no one to warm up my feet on when I go to bed... and let me tell you it sucks! ;)
I know... you all feel real sorry for me.