Monday, June 16, 2014

I've discovered the secret of good parenting

Ya, I guess the cats out of the bag now.
I do yell.
Well. I mean. Hardly ever. Of course. I can count the number of times I have yelled on one hand, one genetically modified 50 thousand fingered hand! Just today last year, Shayla had to remind me to remember Mommy just take a deep breath.
And instead of taking the opportunity to parent by example, (having already missed the early opportunity) which is what I am really trying to work on these days. (Those days, as this random yelling did happen last year and all!) I just disregarded the opportunity and said, well Shayla if there wasn't constant fighting and crying and whinning and pooping in ones pants I wouldn't even be needing you to tell me to take a deep breath right now. If that isn't an A+ in parenting then I don't know what is!
Then I took an audible deep breath and left the room. This Momma needed a time out. Next time I just won't take it in the lingering poop smelling bathroom. Cause that's just somewhere you don't want to sit at the best of times. And this wasn't the best of times. I had just changed 5 diapers poopy diapers within a 2 hr stretch with the last one being Tristan's. And before I actually got Tristan's changed we had to endure a lovely, almost, 3 year old fit with a poop in the pants, wafting those vomit inducing oders everywhere. Now, with the dayhome I am used to changing a lot of diapers, but it was just one of those tantrum filled mornings where anything else on top of all the crying just seems like too much. Swore I would never bribe or threaten one of my kids to use the toilet but if that boy don't start pooping on the pot soon it might just come to that!
Isn't that just the way with parenting, you have all these ideals and all these judgements until you have a kid or 4 and then you get it. You get why that Mom with the spoiled brat having a temper tantrum in Safeway broke down and gave him the candy bar. No, she wasn't just doing a crap job. She had just been a Mom for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for the last 5 years and at that moment she just didn't have the time or energy to parent perfectly. Judgy bystanders move on. (The biggest judgy bystander being my pre-Mom self!)
So, anyhow, the secret to parenting perfectly, we are almost there.
The other day Shayla and Tristan were out playing house so wonderfully together in the rhubarb plants. (See Clayton that was the reason I grew so many and never pick any... for the hours of happy playtime we can all enjoy.) So I left them playing while I gave Mya and Jax a bath. Separately. Which  seldom happens at our house. It was so nice to have some one on one time with each of them. They were both so cute and smiley and it just made me think how adorable they are and how I wish I could enjoy this more. And I suppose I could just try and make time. But really, can you really? At some point people have to eat, laundry has to be done, food has to be shopped for, sick kids have to be taken to the doctors, you get it.

So here's the secret to perfect parenting:
Hire someone to do all the other crap, so you can just take the time to enjoy your kids.

Why the blabby start and the quick finish?
Started writing this on nap time, wrote the middle part with kids awake and fussy, then just had to take a break and change my 6th poopy diaper, the 2nd stinky 3 year old poop, of the day. Time to stop doing this and start enjoying my kids, right?
That or lock myself in the bedroom and down a bottle of whiskey.
And I don't even like whiskey!

Talk to you all in a year or two, when I am hopefully less ranty! ;)


Kimberly said...

Two things, yes I agree, it totally sounded like my timeout was in the bathroom doing a number 2. Not the case. Just locked myself in there, smelled like kid poop when I arrived. Secondly, today my face totally looked like how Shayla portrayed me. Better work on being more like happy, sunshine man. :)

Allise said...

With tears in my eyes and compassion in my heart I really did laugh out loud at this post :) I really like your advice! Only one question: how does one go about finding a person that will do all that other stuff... for free? ;) I can't imagine how gross that day was. It must have been like one of those days when you can't stop smelling poop. You think it's probably on you somewhere or the smell is 'just stuck' in your nose... except not, because it sounds like the kids spaced out their pooping just right. So that you were in fact smelling genuine poop each time. Ugh! "this too shall pass... this too shall pass... this too shall pass..."

Allise said...

Oh, also! With your scads of free time if you want to pick, wash and freeze that rhubarb I would gladly take some ;)

Anonymous said...

I did tell my husband that I would have more kids if we hired someone to do all of the housework!! That way I would have time to spend with the kids. I think it's a great idea!! ;)

Amber said...

Thanks for reminding me I'm not the only one who turns into a MommyMonster from time to time! (Today it was over the word "BEAVER!" being screamed repeatedly, totally out of context, over and over and over one the drive home. *Why does that sound so harmless now but was so aggravating at the time?)

Anyway, THANK YOU!

Anonymous said...

Some days are stinky!
In more ways than one.
Feel for you "sweetie"!
Love Mom :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the chuckle... so glad I'm not alone in all this!! I will drink whiskey with you anytime if you want... ;)