Thursday, January 28, 2016

Some people run marathons; some people catch 2 year old's puke in buckets and pretend it's the same as running a marathon!

Well it's 3:54am
And I just did the slowest wiggle maneuver out under the covers of my bed from the sweaty grasps of three of my children. I've never actually exited a bed quite that way before, and let me tell you, at the point where you are fully committed, yet still have a ways to go, you are completely engulfed by the smell of urine. And rightly so, as your head is squashed between two extremely full diapers. Urine and the faint smell of vomit.
Vomit: part of the reason I can't fall back to sleep. It has recently become my mission in life to catch all ounces of the stuff in a bucket. Because that one time I caught a 2 year olds puke in a bucket and it was the best feeling ever. Some people feel great satisfaction and pride after completing a marathon. Not me. All I have to do to get that feeling is to catch my kids puke in a bucket. Yup, I totally feel pride, I actually tell people who will listen. Like you poor souls! So you better hope you don't phone me after I've been up all night with a sick kid. Because this is how the conversation will go:
You: Hi
Me: OMG you will never guess what I did last night?!
You: Ooooh sounds exciting! Tell me!
Me: I caught Jax's puke in a bucket... wait for it... wait for it... 5 times!!!
You: Oh. Nice. I guess.
Me: Nice? You guess? Did you hear me?! I said five times! I expect you will be on your way over here shortly with my medal! Right? Right?! Hello?

This is also the reason I have set up shop right outside the bedroom door, I must be close enough to hear the cough followed by the gag noise so I can make my mad dash to catch my prize! I have already jumped up twice, both times false alarms, but one must be dedicated to this task to succeed. So here I am typing cross legged in the hallway. Much better then laying awake in bed thinking about how I could at least be typing cross legged in the hallway!

So it all started today (yesterday, I guess) at 3pm.  Oh you thought I was done? Nope it's only 4:33am and I sense I am up for the day, so settle in for the long haul. That or run now!
Did I say 3pm, it actually started when I woke up. Nope wait, it actually started in September when the committee I am on had our first meeting about the event we were planning that happened tonight... er last night I guess!
The date of the event ended up coinciding with Clayton being gone for work in Edmonton and Grandma Anne being at the hospital for knee surgery. There was a brief period where the neighbour girls thought they were busy and I thought I might cry. But then their plans changed and they could help me out.
This was great news but I was also nervous. I don't like to admit this because I am super Mom and all! HAHAHA But sometimes, especailly if I am by myself... did I just say that? I am rarely by myself, there are 4 kids, if not more, here with me... pretty much all the time! But you know what I mean... the only adult. Sometimes, in the evening, after making supper surrounded by racket and fighting and crying or laughing and running and general sounds of loud fun, eating supper (and by eating supper I of course mean cutting up food, getting drinks, cleaning up drinks that were spilled on the floor and refilling food), cleaning up after supper, getting everyone settled down and into their pyjamas, changing a poopy diaper while someone is tattling on someone and someone else is crying because they got hurt or are being tattled on, getting everyone a snack (didn't we just eat?), reading books, brushing teeth, singing songs in bed and then finally closing bedroom doors and falling exhausted onto the couch. Wait that long run on sentence didn't even end where I was suppose to be heading! Sometimes, I find it hard! Real hard!
And the whole point to that run on paragraph was that we have never had a teenager babysit all four of our kids, awake, before. And this time they all would be awake and it would be over dinner and bedtime!!! Ahhhhhhh
So yeah, when I woke up yesterday I got busy. Making supper, cutting up snacks, writing detailed lists of instructions, setting out pyjamas... and on top of that I still had a couple things to get ready for the event... and on top of that I had extra kids, more than the normal 2 extra because I was looking after one of the other Mom's children, who was on the committee, so she could go to the hall and do hers and my share of the setting up... and on top of that at some point I had to try and make myself look nice!
Ok, so you get it. It was a busy day.

So at 3pm when Jax came walking by me with a bucket muttering to himself, 'Shayla puke bucket, Tristan puke bucket, Jax puke bucket.' 
I thought, what a funny guy. So cute. But funny.
And then everyone noticed it at once and started shouting Kimberly! Mom! Look! Puke!

And I looked. (Oh how I did not want to look. Or how I was desperately hoping they were all just imagining things!)

They were not imagining things. There in the middle of the dining room was a huge ass pile of puke.

No! No! No! This could not be happening. Not today, not today of all days!

So I phoned the neighbours and let them know the situation. They have 4 kids and were super sweet and all: well lets just see how it goes, maybe he won't puke again and it will be fine.
20 minutes later, he puked again.

So I texted another lady on the committee and told her the situation and that there was a good possibility that I might not be able to make it. Er, uh, sorry.

And there I sat feeling very sorry for myself. Not only did I have certain MC jobs to do at the event but I also had been helping plan this thing for months and I really wanted to attend!

And then I thought of Uncle Aaron! Maybe you can ask a family member to come look after your sick kid and then 3 more on top of that? Right? Family members love it when you do that!
So I did.
I texted Aaron to please phone me after he was done work.
And he of course texted back: who is this?
To which I replied: Kimberly! Put me in your damn contacts already!
And then I remembered I was going to beg him to come over and look after my puking child so I maybe should try and use a little more charm.
Although I am not sure charm would work on Aaron anyhow.
Thank goodness he likes our kids!
He said: yes, he could.
Thank you Aaron!

Disaster adverted!
Then Shayla got off the bus and heard the news.
You know something else they don't tell you before you have kids: you will learn in a heartbeat the true meaning of being selfless... or that nothing ever again is about you.
Wait, actually, I think I remember hearing that somewhere before I had kids: You want to learn selflessness: become a Mom!
That or just watching it in action through my Mom. (Really Mom, you are full with that one bite of chicken? Mom, what do you even do for fun? Watch us have fun... really??? Mom, did you even get a piece of that apple pie you spent all afternoon making?! Did you just say that's fine, you didn't really want a piece anyhow?! Actually I am not there yet, if I make a pie, I am eating a piece of it!)

Anyhow, Shayla got off the bus and proceeded to scream cry for 15 minutes because she didn't get to have the neighbour girls watch her and she was so excited to tell her whole class about it tomorrow, etc. etc. etc. Mom, why won't you let them come? Mom, this is all your fault. etc. etc. etc.
Listening to a 6 year old scream cry for 15 minutes feels like an hour!
Listening to a 6 year old scream cry for 15 minutes makes you also want to scream cry.
Although I really did feel empathy for her... at the start... she had been really looking forward to having the girls come over to babysit.

Anyhow, she finally accepted the fact that this is how life work sometimes. It sucks, it sucks for everyone involved but lets try make the best of it!
So she tried... a little.
And also Uncle Aaron arrived and said 'let's eat dinner and then watch a movie'. That helped.

And Jax didn't even end up puking while Aaron was here. Thank you Jax.

At 2:45am Tristan had a rare bed wetting accident and therefore came to sleep with me... hop on in there is lots of room! Then a few minutes later, Jax came wandering in. Hop on in, there's still room. Then I remembered there was a possibility he might puke and moved him over to Clayton's pillow. ;)
And yup, about 20 minutes later I heard the cough and the gag, so like the marathon winner I am, I was upright in no second flat and had his poor little head pushed over the side of the bed, one of my hands cupped under his mouth, caught the first pile in my hand, shouted at Tristan to turn on the light... hand me the bucket... grab the cloth from the bathroom... success! Only one tiny pea sized drop had ended up on the sheets!
High fived Tristan for our most recent win!
Mya must have sensed the victory and stumbled in to congratulate us. Hop on in, there is really no room, but hey we like stack sleeping at this house!
As we were all crammed together in our queen sized bed, everyone trying to get a piece of me to snuggle with, Tristan says, I really DO NOT like all these babies in here taking up my spot... short pause... but I really DO like being your helper!

Hahaha! See, catching puke in a bucket just makes everyone feel good!

And now it is 6:11am and I really do feel like I just ran a marathon. So tired.
Maybe I can catch a few minutes of shut eye on the couch.

And don't forget: I'll be expecting my medal next time I see you!!!


Anonymous said...

Oh Kimberly!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You do deserve a HUGE medal!!! We all love you for everything you do and for finding the success in the small things, like catching puke, which is a major accomplishment - it means not having to replace blankets and towels each episode. Your kids love you and we do, too. You are an amazing mama :)

Anonymous said...

Hey, that comment came in while I was reading.... So dido on the deserving of a medal Kimberly! I remember puke buckets and wanting to keep laundry down if at all possible. Gosh, where do you and Clayton sleep when he's home and you have a night like this?
Hope Jax's bug doesn't spread to everyone!
Love how he went and got the "puke" bucket.
Think I'm gonna phone you now instead.....before you go to bed!
Love mom :)

Allise said...

What changes when you become a mom? Instead of running away from puke you now run towards it! That and a few other things 😉 This post had me nodding my head and laughing with watery eyes. Love it! Jax is a smartie! And Tristan's compassion and endless sweetness never ceases to amaze me.
Also, you need a king size bed!!

Vanessa said...

Hey K, I understood in theory how hard it would be to catch little kid puke, but not until this last illness did I get the true difficulty of the task at hand.... Amelia only puked twice (small amounts thankfully!) but I sat thru them unmoving... frozen in unprepared naivety... not only did I not catch the puke, I didn't even manage to move Baboo off her knee (rookie mistake)... and therefore he mecame part of the cleanup and she cried for him most of the time he was in the dryer.
Anyway... koodo's too you... Way to go! you are a pukecatching super mom!! I aspire to be half as good as you one day :)